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"Operation Shutdown" Preparations for Operation Shutdown are well under way. President Bush must be alerted and the military must be aligned in position. It's finally time to take care of the pressing issues in today's uncertain world. No, not foreign affairs. Instead, it's time to go into the tank for Pittsburgh Pirate outfielder Derek Bell. Why, you ask? Well, the Pittsburgh front office had the audacity to tell Bell that his slated right field position was no longer going to be handed to him during spring training. Instead, he will have to earn his position in the starting lineup, like many other ballplayers across the country. Egads! What was Bell's response to this horribly unreasonable claim? Operation Shutdown. Pirates general manager Dave Liitlefield stated that Bell would be in competition with Armando Rios, Craig Wilson, and Rob Mackowiak for Pittsburgh's 2002 starting right field position. Bell was in total disbelief upon learning of the his new circumstances. He was quoted as stating, "If it ain't settled with me out there, then they can trade me. I ain't going out there to hurt myself in spring training battling for a job. If it is (competition for the starting job), then I'm going into Operation Shutdown." Let me preface my analysis with this profound statement: Derek Bell is a moron. Last season, Bell played only 46 out of a possible 162 game schedule. In that quarter of a season's worth of games, he batted a miniscule .173, with 13 RBIs, 14 runs, and 5 homeruns. How does he have the ego to state, with numbers like that, he deserves a free pass to start? He should merely feel privileged to have a job in pro ball all together. I can hear the cynics saying it now, it's about the money, right? Wrong. Bell signed a guaranteed two year $9 million contract before last season. Whether he starts or not, Bell will get his paycheck. For once, it is truly not about the millions of dollars thrown at athletes. So, what is this nonsense all about, you ask? Apparently, Bell thinks he is the Derek Jeter of the Pittsburgh Pirates, i.e. "The Franchise." He seems to believe that he merits special attention and recognition as the Pirates star player. Call me crazy, but how many star players average below the Mendoza line for a season? How many star players have the nerve to declare, in a childish hissyfit, that they will tank the season if they don't have their way. None. Bell needs to get it through his massively sized ego that he is not a superstar. Based on the statistics from last season, he can hardly be constituted a big league player all together. Being a Houston Astros fan, I remember how he was touted as part of the "Killer B's" of the mid 1990s, along with Craig Biggio and Jeff Bagwell. To have even placed Bell in the same sentence with those two baseball giants is laughable. Sure he had better statistics compared to today, but he was no star. Bell never has been, nor never will be, a star baseball player, period. One must wonder how his comments will effect clubhouse chemistry. What must have Jason Kendall and Brian Giles been thinking when they heard a member of their own team stating that he will purposefully play poorly this season. I don't think ballplayers who are playing through injury and leaving their blood, sweat, and tears out on the field will take too kindly to Bell's sentiments. One would have to believe that Bell's inane statements would leave the clubhouse rather frazzled. What's the answer? Should the Pirates trade Derek Bell? This sounds like a great idea, but what team wants a highly overpaid player who is way past his prime? The Pirates could cut him outright, yet that would hurt the cash-strapped team. The answer is a team meeting with Bell to explain to him that he is not a star and is barely a blip on the Pirates radar. His ego should be brought back down to earth, which is the job of manager Lloyd McClendon. How has Bell handled the news of competition on the baseball field? He is 4-for-27 with a .148 average and three RBIs this spring. Oh yeah, he deserves the starting spot! Bell needs to get over himself, be a man, and accept the competition as a chance to show the Pirates that he is a deserving baseball player. So go ahead Derek Bell, commence "Operation Shutdown." In a retaliatory move, the Pirates brass should launch "Operation Sit Bell on the Pine." In addition, the Pirates fans should begin "Operation Boo Derek Bell During Games."
He's no star! Believe me, I know what it's like to be a star. Hard work man, hard work! |
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